A walk

We are walking side by side. Me noisily on my heels, trying to keep up with your step, hair stirred by the strong wind. You, tall and imposing next to me, are smiling your unsure smile. And we talk. We talk of love, of choices, of ideas, of what we’re looking for in this life and how we’re going to get it. We talk about our past, and laugh at how similarly agitating our fate – the kind that doesn’t exist – is.

We are walking side by side. Me fragile as a shell, trying not to expose myself, with feelings mixed and obscured. You, decisive and firm next to me, puzzled. And we still talk. We talk of emotions, of break-ups, of the notion of individuality; of how miserable it is to find a person that thinks like you – even though it is wonderful in reality – and of how we’re going to keep each other in our lives. We make choices, and laugh at how awfully human we are – because in the end, we’re exactly like everyone else.

We are walking side by side. Me on the verge of tears, trying to make the right decision, with a thunderstorm of confusion inside. You, scared and quiet next to me, unyielding. And we still talk. We communicate unspoken, or rather unspeakable tender balls of warmth, until something violent erupts within us and we lose control. Now, we talk with our bodies because our mouths are busy uttering noiseless sounds of pleasure, our hands discover the dents of our hearts and our legs are intertwined in a symphony of freedom. And then we laugh at how silly we’ve been all this time – and it’s so funny because it’s true.

We are walking side by side. Me lost in the turmoil of thoughts concerning your touch, trying shake off the intensity of the images. You, shy and amazed next to me, intoxicated. And we still talk. Until I turn to you and coyly say “Dear, I am out of breath… Can we rest for a while?” and you with a kind glace point at a bench on which we’ll write our own private history. Because this bench belongs to us and no-one else.

Παρελθόν

Κάθε φορά που ανοίγουμε το βιβλίο του παρελθόντος για να γνωρίσουμε από κοντά κάποια λεπτομέρεια που μας ενδιαφέρει, συνειδητοποιούμε ολοένα και περισσότερο πως το δικό μας παρόν είναι ακατανόητο χωρίς το παρελθόν των άλλων: εκείνων που έφυγαν από τη ζωή, όχι όμως και από τη ζωή μας. Αυτό άλλωστε που ονομάζουμε πνευματική ζωή είναι ένα πλέγμα δυνατοτήτων που αντιπροσωπεύουμε τόσο εμείς οι ίδιοι, όσο και οι άνθρωποι που υπήρξαν ή υπάρχουν. Πολλά είναι λοιπόν τα νήματα που συνυφαίνονται για να δημιουργηθεί εκείνο το πνευματικό φάσμα μέσα στο οποίο εκδηλώνεται η προσωπική μας ύπαρξη και μόνο όποιος ανατρέχει συνεχώς το απέραντο μήκος τους συνειδητοποιεί τον ειρμό της ανθρώπινης μοίρας, της μοίρας μας. Ακόμη κι ένα βήμα στο πρόσφατο παρελθόν μας κάνει να εκπλησσόμαστε για το πόσο κοντά και πόσο μακριά βρίσκονται όλα. Άνθρωποι που πριν από μερικές δεκαετίες έπαψαν να υπάρχουν, φαίνονται να ανήκουν σ’ ένα χώρο χωρίς διαστάσεις, αστάθμητο, χωρίς όρια. Κι ερχόμαστε εμείς με τη διάθεση να συγκεκριμενοποιήσουμε το χώρο αυτόν, να τον σταθμίσουμε και να τον ορίσουμε. Κατά πόσο είναι όμως αυτό δυνατό; Μήπως η απάντηση του Φάουστ, στο μαθητή του, θα έπρεπε να μας οδηγήσει σ’ ένα στωικό σκεπτικισμό; «Για μας, φίλε μου, οι χρόνοι οι περασμένοι βιβλίο με επτά σφραγίδες είναι. Αυτό που πνεύμα των καιρών το λες εσύ, το ίδιο μας το πνεύμα είναι που μέσα καθρεπτίζονται οι καιροί». Κανονικά βλέπουμε ακόμη και το πιο πρόσφατο παρελθόν υποκειμενικά, όμως κάθε σκεπτικισμός περιττεύει όταν δεν μπορούμε να κάνουμε αλλιώς. Σημασία έχει η επίγνωση της σχετικότητας της ερμηνείας που δίνουμε στο παρελθόν αυτό. Τώρα πια πρέπει να συγκεντρωθεί η ψυχή μας, για να πετάξει σ’ έναν ελεύθερο δρόμο, που πρέπει να ανοίξουμε εμείς οι ίδιοι, αρχίζοντας να εκτιμούμε εμάς τους ίδιους.

Να είστε άψογοι με το λόγο σας

Είναι η πιο σημαντική και ίσως η πιο δύσκολη συμφωνία. Μπορεί να ακούγεται εύκολο, όμως ο λόγος είναι ο τρόπος που καθένας από εμάς διαθέτει για να εκδηλώσει οτιδήποτε: την προθεσή του, τη σκέψη, τα όνειρα, το χαρακτήρα του... Ο λόγος είναι η δύναμη της έκφρασης και της επικοινωνίας, της σκέψης και της πρόθεσης, άρα είναι η δύναμη που δημιουργεί όλα τα γεγονότα στη ζωή μας. Μπορεί να φτιάξει το πιο όμορφο όνειρο ή να καταστρέψει τα πάντα γύρω μας. Ο άψογος λόγος είναι αυτός που μπορεί να δημιουργήσει ομορφιά και αγάπη. Ανάλογα με το πώς χρησιμοποιείται, μπορεί να μας απελευθερώσει ή να μας αιχμαλωτίσει. Το ανθρώπινο μυαλό είναι σαν ένα γόνιμο έδαφος στο οποίο φυτεύονται σπόροι. Αυτοί οι σπόροι είναι οι ιδέες, οι αντιλήψεις και οι απόψεις. Οι Τολτέκοι πίστευαν ότι οι λέξεις, η γλώσσα είναι μαγικά ξόρκια που προκαλούν αντιδράσεις, δημιουργούν καταστάσεις και εγείρουν συναισθήματα. Ένας κακός λόγος φυτεύει στην ψυχή δηλητήριο και μπορεί να κατευθύνει ολόκληρη τη ζωή ενός ανθρώπου. Βέβαια, μια αρνητική ιδέα μπορεί να καρποφορήσει στο μυαλό μας μόνο αν το έδαφος είναι έτοιμο γι' αυτή. Αν όλη η στάση ζωής μας είναι ο άψογος λόγος, τότε είμαστε έτοιμοι για τον άψογο εαυτό, έναν εαυτό που δεν πιστεύει στον "ψόγο" των άλλων και δεν φοβάται, αντίθετα ανταποκρίνεται μόνο στην αγάπη και την ειλικρίνεια. Γιατί "άψογος" σημαίνει "χωρίς ψόγο", και "ψόγος" σημαίνει "κατηγορία", "φταίξιμο". Ένας άψογος λόγος δεν σημαίνει μόνο "τέλειος", σημαίνει "λόγος χωρίς κατηγορίες και ενοχές". Είναι ο λόγος που μας κάνει να αναλαμβάνουμε την ευθύνη των πράξεών μας χωρίς να πληγωνόμαστε. Φυσικά, ο λόγος χρησιμοποιείται και εναντίον του εαυτού μας. Κυρίως. Λέμε "είμαι έξυπνη", "δεν έχω πετύχει στη ζωή μου". Με δυο λόγια, χρησιμοποιούμε τη μαγεία του λόγου μας για να ρίξουμε κακά ξόρκια στον εαυτό μας. Το μυστικό είναι να έχουμε ανοσία στη... μαύρη μαγεία του κακού λόγου. Χρησιμοποιήστε το λόγο προς την κατεύθυνση της αγάπης και της αλήθειας προς τον εαυτό σας.

***Για όσους γκρινιάζουνε ό,τι ποτέ δε γράφω στα Ελληνικά***

A few thoughts about life

In life it doesn’t matter how fast you run. It only matters that you walk forwards.

For some change is an elixir. For others it is fatal.

No matter how much time you spend with the people you love, in the end this time is always going to seem limited.

Sometimes limited is more than enough.

If we were told how difficult breaking up is, who would want to be committed to anyone?

Spring is our favorite season because it promises that life can begin all over.

We are born to live but instead we die. How can anyone cope with this knowledge?

Nothing is over, before it’s over.

Looking in the eyes of beauty, there is never a dilemma. You are surrendered with eyes shut.

When lovers say that what they do is not proper, usually they do exactly what they wish above all else.

Prohibitions and restrictions increase passion.

Nice things come at a price.

When you’re young, you always make time.

Every choice demands a rejection.

Often, the most difficult choice is the right one.

Women feel when someone is looking at them. They perceive the desire before men feel it. They even perceive the lack of desire. It’s their way of survival.

There exists a certain implication of intangible melancholy which makes some men irresistible. And many others tiring.

It is very difficult to say ‘no’ to a beautiful woman. It is not fair, but that’s the way things are.

Being faithful is a very overrated virtue. Devotion is a much more valuable.

There is no room for honesty in a healthy relationship.

If you ask her to tell you everything, it is like you ask her to lie to you.

Even though it seems otherwise, not a single day is identical with the previous one. It is always different.

To aim, to try to be accomplished, to understand what you want from your life, to look at things from the right perspective, to organize your time, to distribute energy, to prioritize in order to succeed. Don’t bother. It won’t last.

Age has to do with the way you think. (The usual lies we tell ourselves.)

In spring we fall in love easily. When should we fall in love? When we wish to suffer.

Women invented “forever”, “only you”, “for a lifetime” as a defense against time. For protection.

Time for males has a different significance. ‘Where were you last night?’ ‘It’s been a long time, I don’t remember.’ ‘Will I see you tonight?’ ‘I don’t make plans this early in the day.’ (Casablanca)

When a woman says ‘We need to talk’, it’s like you just had your dismissal announced.

No greediness, no despair. It’s a simple rule to shape your own personal conduct. At least it will be elegant.

Time does not fly. It is lost.

You never know what is exactly is going to happen.

Have you tried everything several times? Well, that certainly is a problem.

However, this year will not be the same as any other year. And it will happen only once.

Will it not be a shame if you say one day, ‘I missed it’?

Be prepared to live.

Don’t sweat yourself without any reason. We have no instruction booklet for life. Everybody makes mistakes. Life is pure improvisation.

To think or not to think?

I think, that people are ‘divided’ into two categories in their lives. The ones that think and the others that don’t. The main difference between these two categories of people is that they experience what we call ‘life’ in a very unequal way.

The ‘non-thinkers’ – without this term being an alternative for stupidity – are so much better off. They go through life accepting what is given to them, unable to recognize how the world really works and seemingly as if their way is smoothed out by an imaginary pavement of thick foam. They don’t want to change anything and they are pretty content with everything around them. Their appearance, their social status, their country, their religion, their boss and even their relationships with other people. Everything is just ‘easy.’ I cannot elaborate anymore on this since I honestly am not aware of how they do it. I think that they are born this way and their lifestyle is not a conscious decision but rather a ‘natural’ one.

On the other side there are the ‘thinkers’ – again the term not being a definition of intelligence or excellence in any way (and in my opinion people in this category are losers). Life for the ‘thinkers’ is a trap. In this trap, you can only expect pain, misery and a general sense of waste. Although their sense and their sensibility are evolved enough to appreciate many things in this world, this quality of theirs haunts them forever. They mostly grasp things that need change. Their lives are full of problematic relationships, troubles, dilemmas and dragging; and all this not because they carry some obscure ‘curse,’ but rather because they can actually ‘see’ the reality of things.

If I could use a metaphor to sort of roughly describe these lives, it would be the moon phases. Once a month there is a dazzling shine and that shine is truly beautiful, but the rest of the nights are gray and then dark and then even darker. It’s like a cycle that allows for hope but then hope and all the dreams that accompany it are snatched away. “Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man,” as F. Nietzsche said. Things are eternally recurring, only our memories are too short to realize that events recur within the span of our conscious life. If that is not the most terrible idea possible! An image of endless suffering.

So, where am I going with this? Well, I want to say that even though ‘thinkers’ are sometimes a true value in society, I completely understand why they need to kiss this world goodbye earlier than whatever-takes-care-of-these-things willed. I understand why disappointments that hit them make them so miserable and frustrated and disillusioned about this world that they choose to leave it. I do not advocate someone killing themselves (although I do believe some people should not exist) but I certainly understand it and this is what I want to state.

Note: I am not bipolar, I do not take any depression medication, and I don’t plan to suicide (for the next month or so).

Dancing

Imagine two bodies – their gender is not important – sensually touching, approaching and removing themselves from each other. Two bodies, bending their limbs according to one another, as if they were parts of a moving puzzle that kept on changing its picture with every second passing. Each of their moves completing the squares missing and at the same time creating a new scene to be fulfilled. Arms and legs intertwined. Lips open and breathing hard. A seeking nose for a familiar scent. Sighs and a lustful curve of the neck. The feet are moving quickly, following the beats of the heart and balancing this effortless movement through space and time. Two bodies, lit by a search light, which expels the darkness surrounding them, making the tiny particles of dust lift up in the air forming intricate shapes. Shadows copying every detail of the movements, making them seem even more erotic. The bodies are performing the expressions of their inner selves. They are dancing. But as well as dancers on the stage, they are also actors performing scenes from a story. Their own personal and complex story.

There are stories which incorporate a knife fight, even a bull fight some times as in “Carmen.” Most stories have plenty of sensual scenes. It seems an unlikely mix for a dance, but it is all part of representing the human emotions. Having two bodies gives the impression of the characters as having not only a physical body but also a soul – a mental, imaginary existence which defines all our actions. There are stories which end in unison, there are dances which end in misunderstandings but most importantly there are bodies which end in pain.

Yes, dancing apart from entertainment and pleasure, also involves a lot of pain. People experience physical but mostly emotional pain. It is not easy to punish and discipline yourself as much as a dancer needs to. People are bred and trained to be weapons, to be creative and to be rational – reminiscent of our current warring state in the world. Everything we touch decays. A dancer needs to have all those qualities at hand – a big price to pay for expressing yourself in the most sensual way – decay becomes essentially you.

On the stage dancers are just that. They are an ever-moving entity, almost as magical as a poet and almost as theatrical as an actor. However, there is a lot more that goes on behind the scenes, as dancing partners fall out, fall over, or sometimes even fall in love.

Their bodies intertwine again, but this time not under the scrutiny of an audience but under each other’s caring eyes. Their dance is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

A desire that engulfs an innocent flirty kiss to an act of pure lust, friction of bodies and a lot of physical pressure.

Dancing… Just another expression of our sensual emotions…

Relationships

My last draft started with the sentence ‘Human relationships suck.’ This is a phrase I frequently use. Today however, I feel a little bit more optimistic and I look upon this subject with a light of hope. No, I have not changed my mind (most of you know how hard that is…) but I think there might be expectancy of a change of heart. Pun intended.

The fact that people get together for totally wrong reasons, unfortunately still stands. Our loneliness is something that drives us to do things that are terrible. We lie, we cheat and say and do things that we don’t mean, and all that for no apparent reason – just to save ourselves from the ‘misery’ of being ‘single.’ The judging looks from aged aunts and coupled up friends, the unspoken notion that ‘something must be wrong with you’ since you haven’t found that special someone, the coming-back-home-to-no-one taboo and our own mother going on about grandchildren and pregnancy lead to a society made for couples and not individuals.

I believe that this situation defines the dreams and feelings people are ‘allowed’ to have. You have to marry and have kids, you have to find a job that pays well so that your children go to a private school, you have to have enough money to pick up your kid in a BMW from school, your wife or your husband need to be very beautiful and fit (mental qualities are not of interest) and lastly you need an expensive mansion so you can invite your mates to watch the football match in. Interpersonal communication and happiness are not issues of significance to our society. No one truly loves anyone and most people don’t even know who or what they seek.

Most get involved with the first random – kind of cute – person they find on their way. Their prosperity and success is only measured by how beautiful, rich or cool the person they managed to land is. We don’t take into account intelligence; we only care about connections and exclusivity.

On the one side we have the ‘children-men’ who are not able to fully become men and they linger between childhood and adolescence and on the other side we have ‘girl-sluts’ (I am referring to numbers of sexual partners) secretly looking for a prince on his white (black) horse (Honda) to swipe them off their feet (parent’s house) and become their all-forgiving, all-providing slaves. For better or for worse, Till death do us part. Obviously not, is the usual answer. The vows (of the extremely expensive wedding) only last until one of them meets a better half (with a bigger horse or a bigger number of sexual partners) and the process is then identically repeated. The saddest thing is that society encourages such behavior.

‘Children-men’ buy new gaming consoles as they come out, cool/useless/pointless/insert-your-favorite gadgets and argue about football with their friends. The ‘girl-sluts’ buy the fanciest high-heels, the tightest jeans they can fit in and the most expensive make-up in the hope that they will be able to distract their boyfriends just for a moment from the TV set. It is obvious why an economy-driven society encourages this.

The drama created is unbelievable. Girls meet with their friends (between manicure and hairdresser appointments) to talk about the ‘hints’ (or lack of them) that their boyfriends provide. This is a pleasant break from the rest of their day which involves shopping (-therapy, since they need it after their last row with their boyfriend about which club they will entertain themselves tonight), being bored at work, talking on their mobile, texting and watching idiotic afternoon TV shows. The guys in the mean time are out checking new girls (although they are adamant that they are in love with their girlfriend), drinking beers with their mates, driving their noisy motorbike, dreaming of getting another (noisier) motorbike (even if they bought theirs a month ago), playing video games, dreaming of having a Lego factory and jerking off to porn (work is not included due to the lack of it – daddy still provides for them).

This is what ‘quality of life’ is termed as presently. This is what people do to fill their days (well, evenings since a day typically starts at 2 p.m.) and lives. This is what it takes to be able to have a ‘partner.’ So, my argument is that the fact that single people are looked upon as being ‘wrong’ and miserable, when the relationships are based on capitalism (of all things!), is at least stupid. Our society is dipped in a pool of misery and resists swimming and getting out of it. You might say that not all relationships are like that. Yes, I agree. However, the majority of them are like that and I find this alarming. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

To conclude my bitter rant, I believe we can change this situation if we all were more careful on who we choose to be with, for what reasons and what we expect from our relationships. Judging from the above, the person who said that ignorance is bliss is an idiot – if ignorance was bliss the world would be a much happier place. A last advice to all the males who do not belong to the ‘children-men’ category… Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.